"I have a new transfer student, but we seem to have trust issues. She doesn't cooperate, won't take many of my suggestions, and my method of teaching is constantly questioned. She left her previous teacher, whom she loved, because of a move. I don't know what to do: I'm thinking about letting her go, as I can't work with students who don't trust me."

What to do, indeed.                                                                         

First of all, I doubt that trust has much to do with it. The problem is that this student had to leave a teacher she loved and doesn't want to be with the new teacher, even though she recognizes the reason for the change. She's grieving for a truncated relationship with a person she admired, whom she knew for most of her childhood, whose methods she was used to, whom she was extremely fond of, and now she resents anyone she feels is trying to take the place of that adored teacher.

It's easy to forget or underestimate the importance we have in our students' lives. After all, we see lots of violin students, but we need to remember that they see only one violin teacher—and often the same one for many years. As students may stay with us from nursery school through high school, it would be hard to find any adult outside of their families who is such an important and longstanding figure in their lives. Therefore, should it be a surprise that changing teachers can be somewhat traumatic for some of them? 

When a personal relationship of any kind ends, it's normal to need some time before beginning another. However, when students go from one teacher directly to another without resolving their feelings about the change, it can make things hard for them and for their new teacher.

For many students, changing teachers may feel a lot like asking them to change mothers. Understandably, this can be difficult for them—especially if forced by circumstances beyond their control. You cannot take the place of the old teacher, but you can forge a new relationship with time and patience. But first, you have to deal with the elephant in the room:

"I loved my old teacher, and I don't love you. I don't even know you, and I'm not sure I want to. You do things differently from my other teacher, and I want her back." 

I once had a "tween" student who transferred to me from a rather unsuccessful teacher. I could see that he was unhappy about this change because he liked that teacher, which I could certainly understand, as she was a lovely person. So I telephoned his mother, who insisted that it absolutely wasn't true. I asked her to have a chat with her son anyway. She came to the next lesson and told me that I was right: that he didn't see any reason why he should have to leave his other teacher. They then discussed it, and I never had another problem with him. He stayed with me for years, and even now (he's a music teacher himself), we stay in touch.

This happens even when they change teachers willingly. To my shock, I once found out years after the fact that one of my ex-students, who went to study in a conservatory when it was time to move on, hadn't cooperated easily with her new teacher and often wouldn't take his suggestions. I had never had a problem with this student—and she had been with me for almost ten years. To be fair, I know that the new teacher had given this student a lot of indications that didn't work for her, but I wish he had told her mother or me so either one of us could have done something to help. When a student is used to a certain relationship with his teacher, a certain way of teaching, and/or a certain way of taking or conducting a lesson, it can be emotionally challenging to accept anyone else's teaching, no matter how advanced or inspired. It can take time for him to adjust. 

And the problem must be dealt with openly. Parents and teachers often don't realize the emotional connection that students sometimes have with their teachers, especially those with whom they have studied for years. Going to a new music teacher can be a shock for some students, but they probably won't say anything, and their unease or resentment can manifest in various subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle ways.

So, teachers, when such a problem crops up (and it will for all of us sooner or later), remember that the problem is not you and not to take it personally. It's the connection the student had with her previous teacher, which she probably misses, and she hasn't had time to process what she sees as a loss. Let her grief for a lost relationship or reluctance to start a new one see the light of day. Sometimes students themselves don't recognize their feelings until they talk about them, as my student didn't until he and his mother had a heart-to-heart. Get the parents to talk to their child about it all. Tell the student that you understand that your way of doing things is different from their old teacher's and that you could never take her place, but if they'll just give some of your suggestions a try... . Call the previous teacher and ask for help if necessary. 

After all, we are trying to do what will help the student the most. The connection that students have with their teachers should not be ignored. It may take students a long time to get over their resentment at having to change teachers, no matter how good the reason, and they need help and understanding to do so. 

Yes, this is one more thing in teaching that no one prepared us for. But, as music is all about transmitting emotion, we can't forget that our teaching often forges deep relationships that our students find more important than we may ever imagine.