Simple Questions, Profound Impact

I participate in Quora, an online forum. When you can overlook the ridiculous political rantings and ravings, there are lots of interesting questions and answers on a vast array of subjects. One question I saw recently was:

“Did you ever say something very simple that had a profound impact on someone in an unexpected manner?”

That made me remember one particular interaction with a student many years ago that still gives me chills when I think about it. But first, a preamble.

Having had the privilege of interviewing a number of well-known and famous violinists and musicians, one point kept coming up in our conversations: that it’s important for students to have a personal relationship with their teachers—something that many of these artists felt the lack of in their own training. Either their teachers weren’t there regularly, they were too businesslike, too rigid, or were teaching the instrument instead of the student, to name a few examples they cited.

Teaching can indeed be very business-like, which would be fine if we were actually doing business with our students. But if you think of it, even when we are doing real business transactions in our daily lives, we make a lot of business decisions based on personal relationships we form with the people involved: picking the realtor to sell our house, the salesman from whom we bought a car, sealing a deal with a handshake, etc. So why is it that many of us teachers are afraid to “waste time” talking to our students? Is it because we want parents to feel they’re getting their money’s worth? We want to seem professional? We want to get results as quickly as possible? Well, let me assure you, developing a relationship with your students is not a waste of time although some parents may seem to think so at the outset. (Don’t worry, they’ll catch on.) It also doesn’t take much time to do so, either, and, strange as it may seem, may really improve your results.

First, we should define what we mean by a personal relationship. Or rather, what it isn’t in the teacher/student relationship. It’s not a love or emotional relationship as in a family, and it isn’t friendship. So what is it?

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