You have tried everything. You have reasoned, pleaded, cajoled, stood on your head, jumped through hoops, threatened, manipulated, bargained and anything else you could think of. Nothing has worked. Your student still doesn’t practice. What to do? You have two choices.

1.  You give up
2.  Or not.

Before you make a decision, first ask yourself a question. If the parents continue to send their children to lessons (and pay you for them), and these students still want to come to lessons, do they know something you do not? Are they getting something from your lessons that you are unaware of?

The answer to both questions, is “Most probably, yes.”

First, let’s deal with option number 1.

GIVING UP

If you decide to give up, you must first realize who it is you are giving up on. It isn’t your student – it’s yourself. You do not believe in your capacities as a teacher enough to continue what you perceive is a fruitless enterprise.

The problem with giving up on yourself is that the student will feel you have given up on him. Is this what you want to transmit? What will be the effect on a child when the teacher throws in the towel and truncates the most intense didactic relationship that student will probably ever have? We must stop and think about this before dismissing a student. And we must be very careful about how we do it.

So let us say that you are the type of teacher who cannot or will not tolerate non-practicing students. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS. As long as you are up front about it. There are teachers who require that new parents sign a sort of contract which stipulates practicing and general conduct. Fine. This way everyone knows the score. Most parents who would sign an agreement like this are usually are very serious about living up to their part of the bargain anyway.

Let’s say, however, that you do not have a written agreement with the parents, which is more commonly the case, even though you thought everything was clear when the student started lessons with you. Let’s say you are fed up with giving the same lesson over and over and you want to get rid of the student. Go right ahead, provided that you make it clear to the parents and the student that the problem is YOURS and not theirs. YOU have failed, not they. Tell the parents that you have failed to get through to the student (or to them) and give them the name of another teacher who will be more suited to the child. I say this because I once met a well-known teacher-trainer who, when I asked what (s)he (I am being vague on purpose) did about chronic non-practicers, told me that (s)he would give them something too difficult so they would get discouraged and quit on their own. This is not teaching, nor is it honest. It’s just a way for the teacher to get rid of a troublesome student without a thought to the psychological effect this action may have. This teacher, who had a waiting list of students wanting to start anyway, had disposed of a problem and felt much better. How was the student, however? At best, the student felt undisciplined and incapable and it was NOT THIS CHILD’S FAULT. Even when you have ample reason to blame the parents, the child is the one who pays the price. I tremble to think how students in this situation will feel about their musical experience when they grow up. Students trust their teachers to assign them pieces and studies of appropriate difficulty. When that trust is broken, as in cases like this, the students’ perceived lack of competence and resulting loss of faith in themselves will probably follow them for the rest of their lives.

When we teach, our comfort is not important. The student’s is. Therefore, if you cannot tolerate a difficult parent, student, or situation, call a spade a spade and tell the truth. You will be respected for it. We all have our limitations. It is important to recognize them and not inflict them upon our students and their parents by absolving yourself of responsibility through manipulation. “I didn’t make you quit – you got fed up on your own” is a totally unethical approach and shame on the teacher who uses it.

There is, however, another choice you can make…….

Next: How NOT to give up without losing your mind.